Why I'm going to Buddha Field for 10 days.

 

My friend Jen told me about Buddha Field when we first met and talked about going to their summer festival. I looked at their website right away and thought it looked amazing. It was a Buddhist festival close to Taunton. It looked very relaxing, very chilled, colorful, happy and just my cup of tea. I have recently started Yoga so Jen telling me about this wonderful festival was just what I needed.

I looked on the Buddha field website every day. I looked at everything throughout the website, read everything and loved every single bit of it. There was no alcohol or drugs, all vegan food, lots of yoga, meditation and workshops. It was what I needed.

Side tracking slightly, but coming back to Buddha Field shortly.... 

My angel cards at yoga last night were EMERGING and SIGNS.

Its funny. My first week at yoga when I was told to pick a card that appealed most to me I thought they were all barking mad. How does a card appeal to me? Does it just jump out and say pick me pick me ? I picked a card but wasnt really into it.

These last two weeks I have really gotten into it and understand what they mean now by saying a card ' appeals to you'

I cant remember what my card was last week but it was very apparent for the lifestyle changes I am currently making and the spiritual path I'm slowly going down.

Last night was the same. Emerging and Signs.

Emerging :

You are awesome in so many ways, and you are beginning to trust and reveal your true nature more easily. At one time, you may have believed that you had to hide your feelings from others (or even from yourself). Now, however, you realize how vital and attractive expressing your authentic self is.

Your Angels are guiding you to honor your true feelings by expressing them to yourself and others. The Angels will help you lovingly talk about your feelings so that no misunderstandings occur with friends and loved ones. Your Angels will never guide you to do or say anything that could hurt you or anyone else! They will also ensure that your life will emerge to a new level of inner peace as you let your true self come out and play.

The second card was signs, we all know what that means. Recently I have been getting signs. My rheumatologist had suggested I practice Mindfullness.

Since telling me this I have watched two tv programes that mention mindfulness, a sign its the right road for me. I met someone through outreach who talked to me all about mindfulness and some books they have.

I was talking of going to live in London then I made friends with a lovely girl who taught me to Hoolla Hoop, told me about all these wonderful meditation festivals and so on. Another sign that I just wasn't meant to move away to London.

The festival I mention above are all based around Mindfullness, another sign that thats the path I need to take.

A few days ago I made friends with a girl through a Facebook group. At first I thought it was a bit random, but hey ho im up for new friends. As we chatted I learnt that she works for a refugee charity. I set up a refugee charity in Istanbul and continue to help the refugees, another sign that she was meant to add me and we were meant to become friends.

Some may not beleive in all this, and think im talking crazy hippy bullshit, but each to their own.

No im not gonna be a crazy preacher that tries to push things on people. Im just finding myself, finding my happiness, finding my way in life, my activities and so on. If going down the holistic and spiritual route is what's gonna work for me, then im more than happy to embrace it.

So back to why im going to Buddha Field for 10 days...

I kept on looking at the website, every day. Everything. I searched everything, I read all the blogs and knew it would be perfect for me. A perfect place for me to learn more about mindfullness, do more yoga, be more free and spiritual, learn, most importantly more about the spiritual path im going down, and also, be pretty healthy. All the food would be organic vegan. I had read a few times on the website that they needed volunteers in may for Green Earth Awakening. I kept on thinking about it and in the end, I just thought why not. Im not working, I dont have a boyfriend or any children, I have no commitments here right now.

I sent a very honest email, and things went from there.

My email went like this : 

I will be completely honest and put myself out there and tell you the truth from the start and if you will still accept me that would be wonderful.

I'm 24 years old, female, from Bournemouth. Im an artist and photographer ( My camera is annoyingly broken right now ) Im currently off work because I suffer with depression and anxiety as well as Fibromyalgia. If you don't know about fibromyalgia I will outline the basics of it. Its wide spread pain throughout the body, brain fog and confusion, chronic fatigue syndrome, clumsiness, tender and achey muscles. It gets better then it gets worse then it gets better and so on.

Im on some pain killers that helps with the pain and I manage most of the time okay.

I juice a lot, which helps, and try to eat as clean and healthy as possible. I have heard a vegan diet does wonders for fibromyalgia so Im keen to go down that road.

I have just started Yoga and Meditation and I love it but im still a complete learner.

I run an organisation in Bournemouth called Streetlight. You can check it out on facebook and I will also send you my blog where I write about it. I set streetlight up almost 18 months ago. Its an outreach team and soup kitchen feeding the homeless in Bournemouth. We used to have a very busy soup kitchen but the council stopped us so we now walk the streets every Saturday night feeding the homeless and chatting etc.

Before that I was in Istanbul doing a very similar thing with another small organisation I set up helping the syrian refugees who had fled the syrian war and were living on the streets of Istanbul with children and babies. 

Im very friendly, of course I need to be, with feeding the homeless :) I work well in a team or alone, I love being around people but im equally happy with my kindle and chilling out. 

Im good with anything arty, photography, anything with children, cleaning, food / juices, etc etc. 

Coming to Volunteer with you would be a massive challenge for me and I by no means think it will be easy due to the work, being away from home, my anxiety etc. But I do think it will give me the massive kick start into being healthy, getting back out there and getting my illness under control. I read somewhere on the website that all the festivals are vegan. I think it will push my boundaries which will be good for me. I have traveled before, a lot. When I was 18 I went to Australia and asia for 15 months, I came home and went to Israel and Jordan for a few months, then america, then lived in Amsterdam.  So I have been around. Im just going through a slightly bad patch at the moment with my depression and I think coming to help with such a fantastic project, being in nature, doing a lot of yoga and being around nice people would do me the world of good.

I'm going to be coming to the main Buddha field event in July as a guest. I saw on your website there is a concession price for people receiving benefits. 

A few days later I received a lovely email back. Thanking me for my honesty and saying that I would be great for the stewarding crew. We went on to chat more and I explained how great it would be for me. I needed to break out of my routine, I needed to get healthy and I thought this was a great kick up the ass to detox and get healthy. I needed to go into Therapy but that was going to take a while, waiting lists and all that jizz with the NHS. I thought in a way, this would be like therapy for me. Being around wonderful, kind hearted , Buddhists who would teach me how to meditate, how to do yoga and many other fun, natural workshops. I would also lose my festival virginity and be part of the very important team that helps this brilliant festival run smoothly.  I'd hopefully make some new friends, too. 

Im a massive control freak. Especially with food. Controlling food is a big part of my life. It all started when I was 13 or 14. I was having a terrible time at school with being bullied and I couldn't control it so I started using food as a way to control my life. I would need to know in the morning what was for dinner, mum would say chicken, then I'd come home and it was pasta. I would be really upset, because it had changed. 

15 year old me

Over the years I have become really obsessive. Obsessive about when I was eating next or obsessive about one particular meal. I would eat the same meal for weeks, then not eat it again for months. I would obsess over going to restaurants, I would spend hours looking at restaurant menus online. I would obsess over a particular Pizza at pizza express and I wouldn't stop thinking about it and obsessing over it until I went and ate it. It didn't matter I had no money, I would make myself poorer just so I could eat this particular pizza. Then things would be 'alright'. If my friends suggested we go somewhere else, I would either cancel, or take ages persuading them to go to this particular place I had chosen. I had already searched the Menu over and over, I knew what I was going to eat and had everything planned. Changing that would cause me massive anxiety. Im not talking 6 years ago, I'm talking last week, yesterday and even tomorrow. This is still a very current issue.  This is an issue I seriously need help with. I'm hoping Buddha field will help me loosen up a little bit. I wont be in control of my food, the cafe staff will be. Although I'm pretty sure the first few days I will be befriending the chef so I can ask in the morning whats for lunch, I'm hoping after a few days I can relax on this and stop asking. 

I think this is the most honest blog I have ever written, especially about my issues and obsessions over food. There needs to be more awareness, and a hell of a lot more help, for people with food addictions. Its an eating disorder. Unfortunately, people only think anorexia is an eating disorder. Its not. I told my doctor a few years ago about all of this and they just poo pooed me, resulting in it getting worse.

20 years old. In vietnam. I barely ate anything but bread and nutella for the whole month  I was in Vietnam

I used to be obsessed with one particular chocolate yogurt. It was cadburys crunchie yoghurts. The ones that have two compartments. They were very nice, but not cheap. I think it was 2 for a £1.  I used to always buy about 6 every time I went to sainsburys, then I would come home and either eat them all at once so no one else could eat them, or put labels on them saying they were mine and no one could eat them, or store them in my hand bag and eat them in secret, or the other one, I used to put them in the shed fridge, then sneak out there at midnight when everyone else was asleep and eat them outside. Proper crazy huh. One Christmas, I really wanted them. It was Christmas eve, I made my mum drive me to 4 different super markets looking for these yogurts.

The list goes on. 

What else was there. Smoked salmon. I became obsessed with it one point with bacon, avacado and eggs. For breakfast. Smoked salmon and avocado aren't cheap. So this was another expensive thing. I'd have it for months every day, then I'd decide I suddenly hated smoked salmon.

Another one was soft garlic cheese and parma ham crispy rolls. Lidls sells a nice garlic cream cheese and has a fresh bakery so Id walk there every day and get my ingredients. I'd make two or three rolls with all the ham and cheese. I ate these for months then one day just moved onto another thing.....

. A few emails back and forth and I had signed up,  I was going to be part of the crew. I was going to go down a few days before the festival started and stay a few days after it ended.  Then the insane anxieties started.

I asked my mum 1 million impossible questions.  

Will my tent blow away?

Will rats get in my tend?

Will I get kidnapped?

Will I starve ?

Do I lock my tent when I'm in it ?

Bla bla, bla. 

All these insane thoughts were popping in my head.

Will it be clean ?

Will I  be able to charge my phone?

Will there be showers?

I didn't have any worries about my Fibromyalgia pain, I deal with that daily, so I can still deal with that in a field away from home. I was worried, and still am, about my fatigue. I'm worried I will be really exhausted, but, it could go the other way. With all the positive vibes around me, the healthy vegan organic food, I could be full of energy and it could be exactly what I needed. 

Im still worried about not charging my phone, about not liking the food and starving to death and about the camping. I have only camped twice before. Once with an ex boyfriend and I was a pain in the ass. I wouldnt shower, and the two nights we spent in the tent I made him wrap me up real tight in a sleeping bag so no spiders could get me. Who's gonna do that now ? Im gonna be on my lonesome. The second time I camped was in Thailand, and admittedly it was a real laugh. We did drink a lot of beer though. The showers were hilarious, just a hose pipe and bucket. I'm hoping that was more 'Thai style' rather than, 'Camping style'.

I leave on Sunday, Im taking a tent with a cow design on it, a blow up bed, both thanks to my friend, my backpack I went to Asia with, a warm sleeping bag, and my hoola hoop. I thought I could get a lot of hoola hooping done when I'm down there and if I'm feeling down at all I can do some hooping and jolly myself up a bit. Im sure there will be some other hoopers there too so I can use it as a mutual interest. Hooping is becoming quite popular now. 

I'll talk you through what im gonna post in another blog before I leave, I'm sure I'll be taking a few odd things. I need to buy one of those charger things, that you can charge before you go and then use it to charge your phone while your away.

What am I hoping to gain out of my experience volunteering at Buddha Field ?

Im hoping to make more friends, open up my eyes to new things such as yoga, meditation, mindfulness, Buddhism, veganism.  Be less of a control freak, chill out more, stop being so angry. Learn to deal with my chronic fatigue better. Sort out my diet and detox. But most importantly have any amazing time. 

I'll be taking my kindle and will be spending many an hour getting lost in my books. I love to read and have just picked up my kindle after months of abandoning it. I still think a kindle is the best thing since sliced bread ! 

Check out Buddha field here

Anastasia, x x x